LOVE ON THE ROAD

THIS WEEK ZOE'S HOT AND BOTHERED IN INDIA

I was so preoccupied with my capsule wardrobe, I forgot to think about the culture shock that awaited me in India.

From the '70s-style airport to the reckless rickshaws, the constant noise of bhangra to the cars' beeping, it hadn't crossed my mind how overwhelming this would be.

And was it the pollution, or was everything unsettlingly beige?

Fortunately our friends, Julie and Diccon, were waiting at the hotel – we were going to travel together for a week before they went home – and I'd never been happier to see them.

Julie is a goddess in heels with a love of rosé wine and a hatred of public toilets, so if she could rough it in India, so could I.

And as Train Man had told me with wide-eyed enthusiasm all about his travels around India eight years ago, I wanted to be a boho babe and fall in love with it too.

As we caught up on the hotel courtyard at sunset, Julie enthused about the food, the hilarity, the jewellery and the sights they'd seen in the past fortnight.

"OK," I thought, "I can do this." But it turns out I couldn't.

The next morning we caught the train north east to Rishikesh, the home of yoga and a hotspot for hippies.

But where most people in this holy city apparently feel awakened and alive, I just felt weird.

Maybe it was the jet lag, the dirt, the beggars, the monkey peeing on my foot, or the power cuts.

Or maybe it was walking into a cow in the dark on our way from the Ganges to the grubby hostel the others had chosen.

I did that thing I do when I'm not happy. I go mute. Train Man knew something was wrong, but I tried to be brave and shone my torch in his face so he couldn't see me welling up.

"Baby, I feel out of sorts," I confessed, as we got between our filthy sheets. "I do too," he reassured me. "But we're on day two of a year away – it'll take adjustment."

I put my head in the curve between his neck and his shoulder and buried my face. I suddenly felt at home.

Miles Covered: 4,354
Terse sentences exchanged: None yet
Curries eaten: 21 (three a day)

Next week: Zoë finds pudding paradise...