LOVE ON THE ROAD
This week ZoË and train man
go mountain climbing
THIS WEEK ZOË TRIES TO TALK TRAIN MAN INTO FATHERHOOD
After last week's hell up the mountain we've stuck to sea level for the past seven days. We've travelled to eastern Borneo and the Sepilok Orang-utan Rehabilitation Centre, where you can see these gentle apes up close.
Train Man is an animal lover. I love this about him despite the fact I don't like animals much. I like orang-utans – they're funny – but I'm scared of kittens and I hate dogs chasing me when I run. But put Train Man next to something four-legged and he gets clucky.
At feeding time, one orang-utan hugged the ranger who was standing beside us. Train Man melted. On our walk back to our hotel at the Sepilok Nature Resort, Train Man got all mushy.
"I wish the orang-utan had hugged me," he moaned. I had an idea.
"Let's have a baby! It'll be like having our own orang-utan, but better. You can hug it all you like and it'll look like a cute mini-you."
Train Man went quiet and pondered my proposal.
"Can you guarantee our baby will swing through trees?"
"I'll train it from birth," I replied. "Like a baby Tarzan. I'll have him swinging effortlessly through the sunny woods of Hertfordshire before he's two."
Train Man seemed compliant, then slightly panicked as if he'd just signed his life away.
"We can only have a baby if it has orange hair."
"But we're both brunette!"
"Well, I only want a baby if it can swing through trees and has long orange hair," he insisted.
"OK, I'll source a wig," I conceded.
Then he made another demand.
"It has to eat bananas."
"Now you're just being stupid," I huffed.
Miles travelled: 138
Terse sentences exchanged: 1
Chances of having a ginger baby: Low
Next week: Has Zoë finally found paradise?
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