Should you save yourself for marriage?

Is total abstinence the best way to reduce STIs and teenage pregnancies? How long would you wait before having sex?

Comments

[natalie]

i am 21 an have 2 wonderful children and it makes me sick to hear people lable others as irresponsible teens, exactly what age do u have to be before u are regarded as a responsible parent. i fell pregnant at the age of 17 and had a miscarrage and it was the hardest thing to go through and i am still with my partner who is the father of my 2 children who have been born out of wedlock but why should that make them any less special. my partner and i are getting married next year and i think that will be even more special because my childen will be able to be apart of that and can look back a photos and think i was there that day when my mum and dad got married

[Suzi]

This has been a very interesting forum. In the States, there is this counselor on radio who has stated that you never know someone well until you have known them at least 18 months. She states anyone can 'pretend' or mask who they really are but at about 18 months the shell begins to crack. Then you start to see who/what they really are. How true!! Of course, there are more honest people out there, but this rule of thumb, so to speak, applies to the majority. So, my advice is to abstain until after the 18 months...if you love that person and love is returned, get married! But before that, be of the same mind on finances, how to raise children, morality, beliefs.

[Sanne]

I think it's great that there are a lot of young (and not so young) people coming out saying that not everyone thinks you should sleep with everyone whenever you "feel" like it. With sex shoved down our throat in most movies and TV series, I am glad to read publicly that I am not alone. I think it's very important to understand that this (at least for me) is not just about abstinence, but about purity in everything: thoughts, behavior, dress, etc. I need to be as pure in marriage as outside of marriage (in which case it would be abstinence, but more than that: the dirty old chastity). The other comment: They are called STDs , not STIs. Once you have a virus like Herpes, HPV, AIDS, etc, there is no "healing"; it's not an infection that goes away with some antibiotics. You have a disease for life. And in many cases (like HPV), "safe sex" (meaning condoms) does not prevent you to give it to the next person you have sex with....

[SF]

Interesting article considering the fact that westerners seem to have a high percentage in teen pregnancies. Even early marriage. Truth is I was pretty stunned by one of the interviewee who says he/she can't wait to be married because then sex is legitimise so to speak I suppose. Look, saving yourself for the one you love is good but don't rush into marriage because of lust. I am an advocate of safe sex at a responsible adult age. Teenagers better abstain but as adults do what you want but do it responsibly. As for the purity rings worn by hollywood stars I can't help but feel the hypocrisy. Miley Cyrus a virgin or perhaps wait until marriage kind of girl? I doubt it. The ring is more of a fashion statement than a true representation of one's belief. If you really belief, you need not publicise it with a ring. Your conduct is more than enough.

And by the way I would be surprised to learn a guy in his 20s never dating before. A girl likes a guy with at least some experience in the dating game. Hone your skills when you're young, if not actually getting hitched may be a problem for first timers. But chivalry does help above all else.

[Georgia]

i think its so good that these young people have the strength to say no. more teens need to be like this! i don't think i'll wait until marriage, but definately until i'm ready and have found someone i really love.

[Demi]

i would never have surgery i think women should be happy the way god made us. i have recently been watching 10 years younger which myleene class presents but while she is incouriging women and men to have surgery wasn't she on natural beauty by gok wan which peruades girls to look natural i was quite shocked by this .

[John]

I'm 20, I live with my partner in a flat which we own together, and we have both worked hard to pay for it. So essentially we live as a married couple.

Both my partner and I have slept with other people and had relationships in the past. We were friends before we got together, but it wasn't until we slept together that we realised we wanted to be together, that we were sexually compatible. What these guys say about sex not being the most important thing is true, but it is a big factor. You need to know that it feels right, that you work together before you commit to something as important as marriage.

I wonder did these people choose chastity because of their religion, or religion because it gave them a route to chastity? Feeling the need to turn to something outside of you, to give you the strength to have self control is a concept I feel uncomfortable with. It seems only polar opposites are made apparent in this article; chastity = good, sex before marriage = bad, when in fact the lines are far more blurred than that.

Teenage years are a time for experimentation, providing people are sensible and safe I don't think they should be frowned upon. People learn from experiences and mistakes.

[lily]

i don't think you have to be married before you can have sex, however i do think that it is something to be valued and you should love the person at least rather than silly one-night stands or just doing it coz everyone else is.

[Siobhan 17, Fife]

I think that everyone has the right to make their own decisions on what they do. If they want to have sex before marriage then do not judge that is their decision. There is no right or wrong to when you should have sex, it all depends on what the person decides to do.

[Kristie]

When i read the first page of this article, i thought well done. Yes, you should save yourself. But as i read the other peoples stories i thought, hold on a minute. They have no clue. For example one girl says, " when i have sex for the first time, it will be great." And really most women will tell that sex is less than great the first time. And another quote , " the first boyfriend i have will be the one i marry," Sorry but how would you know it's the love of your life?! You don't ! Once you start a relationship with the person you think is the 'one' it's all great and lovely, but then you can get fed up when you realise what they are really like. Another girl says that she doesn't want to be another statistic, teenage pregnancy and STI's but if you use the correct protection then you won't! And to be honest i don't think i am going to jump into bed with any man, just because he chats me up or makes me feel special. I feel they have to gain my trust and respect me.

[jackie]

I found the whole artical kind of offending. So basically they are saying because I have had sex that means I dont have respect for myself? I enjoy sex and I have only ever had it with people i care about and who care about me. Sex is not an evil thing its a great thing. I respect their decisions to abstain but shouldnt they respect mine also? They seem to think that if u have sex you automaticaly fall into the teen mother brigade! or become riddled with stis! Im now in my twentys have never had an sti and definetly dont have a child! I have always been safe and was never pressured into doing anything I didnt want to. I know plenty of other people who feel the same as me about this subject. Sadly some of the youths today give others a bad name, some of us have enough knowledge to make the decisions that are right for us without having regrets. So please dont paint all teenagers with the same brush!

[Kimberley]

I'm 17 years old and shock horror, I'm a teenage mother. I totally agree that sex should only ever be with someone you truly love. That has always been the rule in my book and I have stuck to it. When I found out I was pregnant It really angered me how overnight I became a statisic, no brains teenage mother who could never possibly understand the needs of a child. I hate how teenage mothers are portrayed. We are not all the stereotype. I am just as good a parent as someone 10 years older than me. When people find out that I breastfeed my daughter they are in shock because teens never ever do that because we all just hand our babies over to their grandparents at every chance. Becoming a mother was scary yes but I have no regrets. My daughter's father and I are in love so what's the problem? Do I need a ring on my finger to prove that?

[Pip]

I have just got to say that I was very impressed by these folks who have decided to live a life of purity (at least until marriage) rather than becoming slaves to temptation as the majority of teenagers do nowadays. I am 18 and after reading their views on sex I feel inspired to act in a similar way. I believe that once a couple have had sex, relationships depend on it to stay alive but it shouldn't be like that. It is refreshing to hear of people my age who actually value their virginity rather than being desperate to lose it to someone they don't love and cherish.

[Hannah]

I am quite relieved these people have come forward about being proud to say no to sex. The way we are pressured today is quite scary!

Roskanna Sadownik has enspired me. She is 18 and from the age of 10 has known she will save herself till her wedding night. She is saying iit is ok to still go out and enjoy spending time with boys but don't use your body respect it! This has changed my views completely thankyou.

[Elaine]

I'm 25 and and have never had sex. My choice. My right to reclaim the right to and ownership of my body. I refuse to swallow the oversexed idea promoted by SATC, Cosmo, TV and other sources whose aim is to brainwash you. Thank you, I can think - and feel - for myself. And if it aint right, a drink still won't make it right.

[deborah]

Fantastic. I am sick of sex sex sex shoved into our faces day after day.

[Pamela]

I think that this generation no sex is a great thing. I think in the society we live in now, where promiscuous sex is so glamourised, its a shame that people (of all ages)now disregard sex as merely a game. As a Christian and a normal young person it think that groups like this are important to show that not all young people are obsessed with tacky one nigth stands and casual meaningless sex. (However, im not saying that all sex before marriage is totally wrong and tacky, just one night stands, the sort that is shown on programmes like Skins etc).

Pamela
18, Essex