TOXIC BACHELOR

WANT TO KNOW WHAT MEN REALLY THINK ABOUT LOVE, DATING AND SEX? STEP FORWARD STUART HOOD...

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.

The greatest trick man ever pulled was convincing women he didn't like how Sex and the City had changed them.

Blissfully recalling the show's impact on their lives, my female friends spout expressions such as "liberation", "empowerment" and "awakening", celebrating the sassy quartet's pivotal role in female emancipation.

Pivotal? More like prohibitive.

Let's look at the characters.

Carrie proved that no matter how successful a woman is, finding and pleasing a man is still the biggest thing in her life (and if she thinks he's The One, he can treat her as badly as he likes and she'll still go back for more).

Charlotte showed that even the demurest female will play dirty to secure a man's affection. By marrying Steve, Miranda informed geeks they could punch above their weight when women get desperate.

And Samantha?

Well, she created a bedroom monster. A generation of ‘trysexual' (try anything once) females who lived solely to express their desire for it. F*** buddies became justified; orgasms celebrated; adult toys explored; new positions tried. Sex wasn't just about love – it was a means to a screaming end. It was just the way men like it.

And that wasn't the only change for the better.

My girlfriend 'rebelliously' shopped 'til she dropped – great, she dressed and looked better. She 'defiantly' guzzled cocktails with the girls – great, she stopped insisting we do everything together. She 'boldly' booked the sofa on Wednesday evenings to watch her favourite show – great, I met the lads down the local. She got mad, I got her a SATC box set. She got really mad, and one pair of Manolo Blahniks solved all my problems.

I became an understanding boyfriend with a good-looking, less clingy, more sexually open girlfriend. I was in (and in control of) the best relationship of my life. And it was all due to a TV series I claimed to abhor. So, trust me, we men can't wait for the film. Not for the content, obviously. For the side effects. For men, they're going to be… fabulous.

Dear Toxic Bachelor

I fancy one of my friends. His mates say he's liked me for ages and they're urging me to make the first move, but I'm scared of being rejected and losing our friendship. What should I do?

When it comes to friends and love, mates never mess around. So be brave and ask him out. If you're really struggling, create a situation where you're alone and tipsy (note: tipsy, not hammered), increase body contact by several per cent and wait for the lip lock. Discuss details in the morning.