TOXIC BACHELOR

WANT TO KNOW WHAT MEN REALLY THINK ABOUT LOVE, DATING AND SEX? STEP FORWARD STUART HOOD...

So, there we were. Jess naked. Me naked. Jess on the right-hand side of the bed, texting her boyfriend.

Me on the left-hand side of the bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering how I'd got into this mess. Again.

My musing didn't last long. It didn't take Poirot to discover I'd been played by one of the ever-growing brigade of girls who flirt with you, snog you, take you to bed – and then tell you they've got a boyfriend.

To set the scene, Jess and I had met at a party. A few drinks later, we were in her bed. She was insatiable. I was excited. Then, boom. It happened. She used the 'b' word.

"We can't sleep together," she mumbled. "I can't cheat on my boyfriend."

I shot bolt upright and sidled towards the edge of the bed. "What?"

"Dean and me. We've been together 18 months. Come on, let's cuddle," she begged.

"Let's not, eh?" I countered. "Let's not 'cuddle'.

Instead, let's analyse what you've just said, and ask ourselves whether you'd consider it cheating if Dean took a random girl back to his room, indulged in a bit of foreplay and cuddled naked?"

She confessed she would. In fact, she added that she'd do something rather unpleasant to him involving a kitchen knife and his tackle.

After all, if Dean had ended up in bed without clothes and with another woman, he would have strayed. Case closed. Relationship and, it seems, child-bearing dreams, over. Take that, jerk.

Take that jerk, indeed. You go girl. Castrate the philanderer. But when you've finished, look in the mirror and ask yourself: "Why is it different when I do it?"

"It's just a bit of fun. I don't have sex," whined Jess. But to Jess and all the other girls who like to have their cake, eat it, then take another slice behind their partner's back, it's really not fun is it?

Cheating isn't about having sex, it's about abusing trust.

"There's no one lower than a cheat," a 'wronged' girlfriend once wailed. I disagree.

Cheats in denial are even worse.

Dear Toxic Bachelor

My ex-boyfriends are part of my social circle, but how realistic will it be to remain friends with an ex when I get a new boyfriend?

On the surface, it's completely realistic. Beneath the surface, it's totally unrealistic. Although he may well be over you, it doesn't mean your ex can cope with someone else having you. And then there are your new bloke's feelings to think of.

No man wants an ex sniffing around, cracking in-jokes about "the good ol' days" and playfully poking your "tickly bits". When you find the new boyfriend, do yourself a favour: keep the ex out of the picture before the inevitable punch-up on your first drunken night out together.

Have you got a dating dilemma? Email toxicbachelor@fabulousmag.co.uk

Comments

[Hayle Griffin]

I read your article above in the magazine and I felt so strongly about what you had wrote I just had to come online and see if I could leave a comment about it.

I have so many girl mates who constantly do the same thing to their boyfriends, then when their boyfriends eye strays for even a second, they turn up at my flat with wide tearful eyes and a bottle of wine in hand to get over what they call a "terrible relationship" and an "horrible boyfriend", so many times I have bitten my lip and said nothing and just consoled their meaningless tears.

Yesterday though I could no longer do it you see I was in a relationship with a guy who I loved more than anything else in the world I can honestly say I never once cheated on him, the thought never even crossed my mind but like all good things there not always as great as you think.
they are until you take a closer look.

Well to cut a long story short I was cheated on twice by this guy and that was it no taking back the relationship had to end because if you don’t have trust what do you have, so I’m there trying to get over my heartbreak and the doorbell rings! I answer
"hey hayley its (well I wont put her real name)I really need to talk to you I’m so down"
so i open the door and there my friend stands bottle of wine in hand and those eyes i have seen so many times before,
"come in" i said
"its my fella again hayley he has really done it this time he has been speaking to his ex on facebook I saw it on his wall"
my eyes widened and I just lost it
I said
"omg does he know about that guy you took home last week!
you no the one,
you bumped into me in the ladies toilet in the club and you were telling me exactly what you were going to do with him when you got him home,
oh and what about that guy you went away with for the weekend and you told me it was just fun, I’m sick of all of you if you ever actually loved anyone you couldnt do that,
why is it one rule for you and another for him!
I suggest you go and write on his wall on facebook and tell him all the things you have done to him and then maybe, just maybe you wont see any harm in him openly talking to his ex without hiding it on a stupid social network page,”

Her face dropped and she look really embarrassed , don’t get me wrong I’m not bitter about what happend to me i just feel there is no hope for a long, lasting, loving relationship and you no what 9 times out of ten it IS the girls fault.

Hayley-faye xx

[ElleEffDee]

I believe it is totally irrelevant whether you sleep with someone or not - cheating doesn't have to be sex, and although I am not against people flirting and having harmless fun, you have to draw a line somewhere. The rule is - if you wouldn't like it if they did it to you, then have the respect not to do it to them. I totally agree with the toxic bachelor, cheating is about abusing your partner's trust - which is not always a physical or a "sexual" thing.